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It’s the middle of summer in Juarez, 2010. I had just come back to the Texas side after building with another team of volunteers. After my first shower in four days and spending 30 minutes picking the cement and stucco from my hair, I sat down at the kitchen table in the house that Casas was graciously putting us up in for the summer. I opened my computer’s internet browser and began to search for teaching jobs in the El Paso area that would allow me to continue building during the summers. My graduation date was set for 2012, almost 2 years later from that time, and I knew exactly what I wanted to do.
I didn’t find anything really stuck out to me, but I did find an article entitled something along the lines of, “The Border’s Great Need for School Counselors.” Along the border, if families can afford it, students cross the border to attend school in Texas. They then return to Mexico in the evenings.
The summer I lived in Juarez was set in one of the deadliest years the city had ever seen, with a homicide count of over 3000. (I am so happy to say that this beautiful city was just removed from the “dangerous cities” list. Yay!) As I read through the article, it talked about a small boy, maybe 7 or 8 if I remember correctly, who had come home to find his entire family murdered and their heads placed on stakes outside his front door. I couldn’t even imagine the horror, pain, grief; I can’t imagine what happened to this boy or where he is now. For a few seconds, I toyed with the thought of becoming a counselor, and then I shut my computer and continued on with my day.
Fast forward six years (has it really been six years?), and I’m heading to school this fall to do just that. That is, if I’m accepted. I’m jumping the gun here, but I’m so ready for what God is about to roll out in front of me.
One thing that is clear in my mind is the amount of times I’ve prayed that God would be clear with me on what His desire is for me, on what path He wants me to take. He has been so good in that I feel like He is always clear. Always. Doors shut quickly on me when I tried to look at moving to Mexico, but I had three different job opportunities to teach high school Spanish in Kansas. I see you, God. He knew just what He was doing as I fell in love with what I get to do now, and I’ve met so many amazing people and students.
After four years teaching, I decided I wanted to start my master’s degree. I was set on doing administration and possibly someday moving back to the border to open a school where teens could learn English for free (Don’t hear me wrong here. I’m definitely not someone who thinks English is the best language and that everyone should learn it and, “We live in America. Speak English or get out!”, which is a blogpost for a totally different time. However, learning English opens so many doors for people living in poverty along the border).
But God again began to close doors clearly on this. And what’s so crazy about the Holy Spirit is I felt something wrong in the pit of my stomach as I filled out my application for the administration program. I guess the point of my post is this: God is big enough to close doors on things he doesn’t have in the cards for you. Sure, sometimes he won’t. But I truly believe that just simply by asking Him to be clear…he will. At some point. Sometimes he likes to try to be funny and make us wait. But I’ve spent so much of my life worried about if I’m living in God’s will or not.
“Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is…be filled with the Spirit…Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (Eph. 5:17-20)
We live in his will by following him, by loving him and the people he has created, and by thanking him for everything. And by doing these things, he will make our paths straight (Prov. 3:6). He will be clear, and doors will open.
This year I’ve had a lot of experiences at school where I’ve done more counseling than teaching. It’s amazing how many teenagers are drawn to your room when you have free Pop-Tarts. We eat Pop-Tarts – well, they do. My love of Pop-Tarts ended after eating them for breakfast and sometimes lunch every day in college – and we talk. The world of teenagers can be such a dark place. And so I came back to looking into counseling. I emailed WSU, and I heard back within 30 minutes about how excited they were that I was interested in joining their program. This is the first school that has ever done this.
I am excited for this new journey through school (again). I am excited to someday use this degree to help teenagers, whether it’s in Valley Center or wherever God calls me to. There is still a dull, but quite literal, ache in my heart when I think of Juarez. I don’t know if it’s nostalgia or a remnant of the pain I went through when I moved back to Manhattan. But I’m happy to stay where I am, too. I’m excited to open my classroom or office to students who need breakfast, who need someone to listen, who need a safe place to cry or someone to share their excitement with. Of course, realistically, I’ll have lots of other things to do, but I hope that if God allows me this opportunity, I can break the mold of the traditional school counselor a little bit.
I would ask for your prayers over the next couple years that I learn to manage my time and finances well. (I have had a couple people ask how we afford to travel and do school…most of the time I travel for free because I have teens in tow. So if you are praying for me in finances and see me traveling a lot, know that it was probably free or dirt cheap haha!). And that my husband and I would protect our time together. I’m nervous. I’m so nervous that I will be so bad at this! But I’m content.
Finally, learning to be content where God has placed me.
Juarez 2007